FAMILY LAW REMINDER: As the holidays approach, family law attorneys receive more and more calls from parents with custody disputes. Most calls are about whose “time” it is – please remember that it is not “your time” or “their time.” It is your child’s time – they get one childhood. There are no do overs.
When parents are constantly fighting about time and other issues, they are creating childhood “memories” for their children. These children learn that their parents are always angry at each other because of “custody.” Children then believe that “if it weren’t for me (or us) my parents would be happy. They always fight and get angry about me.” These are not the holiday memories we want children to take into adulthood.
Except when there are REAL safety concerns, the Court expects you to let your children participate in BOTH families. This may not always be convenient, or your desire, but your children want to love both their parents without feeling guilty or being forced to choose a side.
It took two people to make the child, and that child wouldn’t exist without both parents. When you are spewing anger and hatred about each other you are telling your child half of them is BAD. That is not fair to a child. Keep your opinions to yourself, and let your children enjoy being children.
If you are asked to rearrange parenting time, please ask yourself if you are refusing the request because IT IS BEST FOR YOUR CHILD. If you are refusing because it is unfair to you – reconsider. The court is only interested in what is in the “best interest of the child.” They are not looking for what is fair to parents.
Please keep this in mind over the holidays, as there aren’t many children who do not want to be included in the fun and festivities of their families. Let them be loved and enjoy their holidays with BOTH parents when possible. You will never have too many people love a child! Your children will thank you!
Such a tough situation all around. The kids always need to be thought of first.
Vrey well said. Difficult situation or not, the kids memories need to come into thought.
Children like adults. The festivities should be a moment of renewed happiness and reflection.
I always hope kids needs are put in front of others. But I know sometimes things get tricky :/
The most important thing about holidays is family!
Oh man this is such a hard situation. Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us.
I don’t have my own family, but I’m always surprised with people who keep quarreling about kids. That’s ture that children’s memories are important.
Abosolutely right! The best time to build new memories are the holidays.
Family is the most important thing in this world. So no matter what happens. Bad side or good side will happen. Family still there for you to share those memories even if its bad or good.
As a divorced parent AND a parent with a blended family – this couldn’t possibly be more true and something that WAY too many divorced parents forget. When it comes to your involvement as a parent the word ‘fair’ shouldn’t even be in your vocabulary! It is all about the kid and making the kid feel loved and included in both families. This is a great reminder at this time of year – thank you for saying it!
Oh my…time travels so fast. Before you know it, it’s already the end of the year and I don’t have plans yet on when to put up the tree. pffft.
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